tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post7190718114684748819..comments2023-03-25T07:04:14.167-06:00Comments on Abby Annis: Tuesday Teaser--I am a Rule BreakerAbby Annishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543937393055900844noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-74654587732346821702009-06-09T20:36:30.264-06:002009-06-09T20:36:30.264-06:00I didn't get to read it :(
See, now I thought...I didn't get to read it :(<br /><br />See, now I thought opening with dialogue (and therefore, an action scene) was good, especially if it's an interesting statement. Here is how my newest WIP opens:<br /><br />“You can’t marry him, Mia.”<br /><br />“I can and I will,” she replied and peered into the antique mirror above the vanity in the dressing room of the small chapel. <br /><br />I did start one of my stories with a dream, but that story had all kinds of issues...namely I was not good at writing a story first person from a man's POV!!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401931638397651614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-23328964743661082532009-06-08T19:17:07.426-06:002009-06-08T19:17:07.426-06:00Thanks for your thoughts, Lynnette!Thanks for your thoughts, Lynnette!Abby Annishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05543937393055900844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-29269973198294716492009-06-02T11:49:48.922-06:002009-06-02T11:49:48.922-06:00I don’t think you should open with a dream. For o...I don’t think you should open with a dream. For one, there’s a big risk involved. If you want to be a rule breaker, why not do it on the next book, once you have an agent? Secondly, I don’t believe the dream works. It’s well written and I do get into it, but then it’s a disappointment only to learn it’s a dream and not the main storyline. This sets the story up in a totally different way than I think (I don’t know because I haven’t read more than what you’ve posted here) the story is written. The pace is different and so is the voice.<br /><br />Here’s where I think you should start:<br /><br />“I opened my eyes and groaned at the video camera hovering inches from my face. “Ugh. Go away.” My hand closed around the lens, and I shoved it back, pulling my pillow over my head. The pounding in my chest slowed, her presence reducing my anxiety.”<br /><br />This hooks me because I want to know why she’s waking up to a video camera in her face. Hooks don’t have to be action-based or suspenseful in the traditional sense. You just want to intrigue the reader into wanting to know more. This beginning would do that.<br /><br />I hope this helps. <br /><br />Lynnette Labelle<br /><br />http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.comLynnette Labellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03227593491562480538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-69136393595486056412009-06-01T18:10:00.419-06:002009-06-01T18:10:00.419-06:00They are for me too, but I'm doing better ther...They are for me too, but I'm doing better there. Sleep deprivation and four kidlets that have the ability to replicate themselves will do that to you. ;-)Danyelle L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10366276085080565870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-64846506237211572562009-05-29T11:04:10.351-06:002009-05-29T11:04:10.351-06:00Danyelle-I love what you said about stupid rules. ...Danyelle-I love what you said about stupid rules. Sadly, even those are hard for me to break. :) <br /><br />jessjordan-You make a good point. My rule-following self wrote that line, thinking it would lessen the impact of breaking the rule. Baby steps, right? I'm leaning towards taking it out. Thanks for your input! :)Abby Annishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05543937393055900844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-46032823472214793232009-05-29T10:10:47.564-06:002009-05-29T10:10:47.564-06:00Go on with your bad self and break those rules! Se...Go on with your bad self and break those rules! Seriously, though, I love openings with dialogue, especially interesting dialogue. My only beef with your excerpt is that you mention that your MC knows she's dreaming. If it were me, I'd leave that line out, and just let her move forward. Then, when her mom starts calling her name, it's like we're waking up with her (that sounds kind of creepy--didn't mean for it to) ... you know, we get the same disoriented "where the heck is my mom's voice coming from?" feeling that she does, before we realize it was all a dream. I loved the "maybe i'm crazy, maybe i'm not" bit in the last paragraph--nice foreshadowing of things to come. obviously, this medallion is going to show up again. (i mean, right??) :)JESSJORDANhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08915521022827231804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-28722386188888168732009-05-26T17:00:31.595-06:002009-05-26T17:00:31.595-06:00*grin*
I follow the rules. Completely. Unless the...*grin*<br /><br />I follow the rules. Completely. Unless they're stupid rules, and then I don't. :D<br /><br />It's funny how many writers I've heard warning against this opening, and then I find newly published books with the very openings the writers were decrying. The honest truth is that many readers are not writers. What bugs the Writers, will probably slip under the Reader's radar. In the end, it's your writing and your story that will speak for itself. :DDanyelle L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10366276085080565870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-6913224941808710222009-05-26T15:29:56.602-06:002009-05-26T15:29:56.602-06:00Wow, Becca! Thank you! Awesome suggestion. I'm cha...Wow, Becca! Thank you! Awesome suggestion. I'm changing it right now. I've been mulling over that line, trying to decide if I wanted to keep it. I think the beginning is the perfect place for it. Yea!Abby Annishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05543937393055900844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6470708183254646866.post-91328549990691206322009-05-26T15:13:30.072-06:002009-05-26T15:13:30.072-06:00Yaaay, you wild woman! I'm glad I could help corr...Yaaay, you wild woman! I'm glad I could help corrupt you ;). I really like this opening!<br /><br />I love the line "'Faster. You must move faster.' The deep voice echoed through the void, propelling me forward, giving strength to my weary legs." I'm not sure if this would work, but maybe this could be that opening sentence that drags us in? <br /><br />Good stuff, Abby!Rebecca Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15214077952378770753noreply@blogger.com