Tuesday Teaser

This is the beginning of the newest scene in my rewrite of EMBROL. I left it out of the original version for several reasons, but mainly because I was too chicken to write it. Now I can't see how that version ever worked without it. Crazy how that happens, huh?

Thanks for reading!

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I sat in the loveseat farthest from the viewing area. The casket was shiny black will silver handles. Patty said it was elegant, like it mattered. It would be buried underground, never to be seen again after today, and that wasn’t my mother in there.

Patty settled down on the arm of the loveseat and laid her hand over mine. “It’s almost time. You sure you don’t want to see her? This is the last chance you’ll get.”

“I don’t want to remember her like that. She knows how I feel.” I bit my lip and stared at my hands. I will not cry here in front of everyone.

Patty had chosen one of the larger viewing rooms, knowing there would be a large turnout, but she couldn’t have expected this many people. The chapel would be overflowing with all the people my mother touched in her life. A great tribute to her, but I would’ve rather spent the day alone.

The loveseat shifted under the weight of someone sitting down beside me. Familiar fingers wrapped around mine.

“No worries, Patty,” Trevor said. “I got her.”

Patty ran her hand over my hair. “Think about it, dear. You still have a few minutes.”

I watched her feet walk away and laid my head on Trevor’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t cry, Strawberry. I’m here now.”

I couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t called me that in years. That was the nickname he’d given me on the day we met—Strawberry Shortcake. That night I’d insisted my mom buy me strawberry-scented shampoo.

“See there,” he said. “I knew you needed me. Where’s Amber?”

“Her mom dragged her off to help set something up.”

“She should be in here with you.”

“It’s okay. She was getting all smothery like Patty. They just don’t get that I don’t want to talk about it. I’m glad you’re here. Are you alone? Where’s Brooke?”

“I broke up with her.”

“Broke up? Why? You guys were so cute together. You’ve got to stop sabotaging all your relationships.”

“You’re lecturing me about my relationships? Here?”

“And to think I was actually distracted for a second. Thanks for reminding me where I am.” I dabbed at the corners of my eyes. “You’d think the tears would run out, eventually.”

“I’m sorry, Liv. I never know when to keep my mouth shut. You don’t need to worry about me and my love life. I’ve got you. That’s all I need right now. Best girlfriend, remember?”

I snuggled closer. As aggravating as he could be, at least I could always count on him to stay the same. Even when everything else around me was falling apart.

“You want a distraction? I’ll see what I can do… Okay, you see that blonde over in the corner? The tall one? She was totally checking me out before I came over here.”

Leave it to Trevor to try to distract me by talking about girls. I stopped listening. My gaze was drawn back to the casket. A tall man stood next to it with his back to me. He had short, dark hair, and he wore a white dress shirt and black slacks like several of the men here. There was nothing distinct about him that I could see, but his stance was familiar. He glanced over his shoulder toward the door.

Add a streak of white hair over his ear and he could be… I shot to my feet and started toward him.

Trevor’s grip tightened on my hand, holding me back. “Livy? Where are you going? I thought you didn’t want to go over there.”

I mumbled something incoherent and wrenched my fingers from his grasp. He said something behind me, but my focus was on the dark man before me. I knew it was impossible. Daddy would’ve been at least twenty years older if he were still alive.

Before I’d taken three steps toward him, he kissed his fingertips and pressed them to my mother’s lips, then turned and hurried toward the door.

Fight Scene Blogfest!

I was really sad I missed out on the kiss and almost-kiss blogfests. All the good stuff always happens when I'm gone. Boohoo. I know. Poor me. ;)

So I'm excited that I get to participate in the Fight Scene Blogfest. Thanks for the linkage, Tere!

This is a scene from my old version of EMBROL, so I'm not totally happy with the writing. Though I don't seem to be happy with much of my writing lately, so yeah. We'll save that discussion for another day.

Just a little background: The heroine, Olivia, has gone to the hospital to visit her friend who was injured by the bad guy, even though Jack (the hero) is certain the bad guy, Kole, will be there waiting for her and says he won't allow her to go. Besides being furious with Jack for trying to control her, her loyalty to her friend supersedes any fear she might have of Kole, and she sneaks out of the house without Jack's knowledge. She is just discovering her powers and is not equipped to protect herself against someone with training. This scene starts as she reaches the parking lot after visiting her friend. Her best friend, Amber, is supposed to be waiting for her to drive her back to Jack's house.

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At first, I didn’t see the man standing in front of Amber, hidden by the van next to her truck. She looked like she was talking to someone, but I thought she was on her cell phone.

I waved my arm, trying to get her attention. “Amber?”

She spun around, her eyes wide, terrified. That’s when I noticed him. Tall and dark, his black eyes full of cruelty and hatred. I took an involuntary step back. Kole.

Amber took a step toward me. “Run, Li—”

Kole slammed her head into the side of the truck without even touching her. Her limp body slumped to the ground.

Before I could react, an iridescent strand of air flew out from his hand, expanding to envelop a car twenty feet away in a thin, shimmering sheet of air. The car hurtled toward me. Abrupt movement to my right drew my attention. A second car flew up and collided with the first, pushing it away from me at the last possible second. I jumped out of the way, but not before it grazed my arm, knocking me flat on my back. The cars crashed down with a resounding crunch of metal and glass not far from where Kole stood near Amber’s truck. A sudden, steady pulse of blaring car alarms filled the air. My chest tightened at the thought of Amber being in the line of that. I had to get her away from there.

A warm stickiness slid down my right arm. A long, deep gash ran along the top of it. I glanced around as I pulled myself up on my hands and knees, my shoulder throbbing with every movement. He was nowhere in sight. I clambered to my feet and ducked behind a nearby van, falling to my knees again.

I crawled along the ground, struggling to catch my breath, and listened for his approach. I was exhausted, like I’d been running for miles with no rest. My heart pounded in my ears, and gasoline fumes burned my nose with each erratic breath. I fought to calm down, to get a better assessment of the situation.

The car alarms abruptly ceased, leaving complete silence. My throat constricted at the sound of quick footsteps.

A man in a security uniform stepped around the front of the van, holding a stun gun. “Are you okay? You need to get out of here. There was an explosion or something. It’s not safe.”

I shook my head and shooed him away. “You need to get out of here.” I nodded toward the stun gun. “That thing isn’t going to help you.”

“Come out, Olivia.” Kole’s deep voice had a singsong quality to it. It made my skin crawl. “Let’s finish this. Then I’ll leave your insignificant human friends alone. You’re only hurting them by remaining hidden.”

The security guard inched toward me.

“Go,” I whispered. “Please.” Tears of frustration poured down my face. What have I done coming here?
The security guard tugged on my arm, refusing to leave without me. I fell back as the van lifted into the air.

Kole’s lips curled up as he wound a shimmering strand of air around the man’s neck. A shiver went through me at the sound of bones cracking.

“Stop! Please!” I reached out, without thought, and struck Kole with a wall of air, knocking him back. The van crashed to the ground less than two feet from me. The realization came to me that I’d been the one to block the car he tried to kill me with. Every time I used my powers, I felt more drained, and my energy was fading quickly.

I ran to the man’s crumpled body and placed my fingers on his neck. The faintest pulse beat against my fingers. Relief flooded through me. I delved deeper, repairing the damage to his neck and his windpipe. His eyes didn’t open, but his pulse was stronger. I stood, hoping I’d done enough to save him. My head swam with exhaustion. I found a hiding place behind another car a little closer to Amber. The smell of gasoline was stronger there. I looked down to see it pooling around my feet.

Slipping around the front of the car, I made my way to Amber. I tried to be quiet, but my feet sloshed as I walked through the ever growing puddle. I kept my body low as I came around the front of her truck. Amber lay unconscious, her clothes drenched with gas. She had a long cut down the side of her face and her blood mixed with the fuel, making a swirling red halo around her head. I squatted and lifted her head, placing my fingers on her neck. Her pulse was weak but present, and her chest rose and fell with breath, much to my relief.

I put my hand to the wound on her face and felt for the damage. The bone wasn’t broken, but the wound extended high up into her hair, and I could feel the swelling on the inside of her skull. I closed my eyes, repeating what I’d done earlier with Jack. When I opened my eyes the wound was closed. Amber stared up at me.

I put my finger to my lips and motioned for her to get up. “We have to get out of here.”

“What is going on, Livy?” She stumbled getting to her feet.

“I’ll explain everything, but I can’t do it here. Just stay behind me.”

She looked so confused, but there was nothing to do about it. Our only hope now was escape. Everything else could wait. Sirens sounded in the distance. I have to stop him before he hurts anyone else. But how?

“You’re a lot stronger than I anticipated, you little twit.” Kole growled every word as he came around the back of the truck. “But I knew the stupid humans would be your weakness.”

“What do you want? Why are you here?” He must have some vulnerability. I need more time. The sirens grew steadily closer.

“I want you dead. I thought I’d made that clear.” His mouth turned up into a sinister smile, and excitement shone in his dark eyes as he stepped closer to me. “But first, let’s have a little fun.” He pointed his finger at the sky and a tiny green flame appeared above it.

Amber cowered behind me. “That’s not possible.”

“Please, don’t hurt her.” I put my arm out, as if that would somehow protect her. “You can have me. I’ll do whatever you want. Just let her go.”

“But don’t you see, Olivia?” The cold amusement in his voice swept over me in a wave of nausea, washing away any remaining hope to stop him. “The only thing I want from you is your life, and I can take that right now. So why would I give up a little bit of fun in exchange for something I already have?” He pointed his finger at the ground and fire shot out, igniting the gasoline.

In half a second, it seemed the whole parking lot was on fire. Amber screamed in agony as the flames moved up her gasoline soaked pants almost to her waist. Before my weary brain could process what was happening, the fire sucked away and pulled into a tight ball around Kole, engulfing him.

“Let’s go.” Jack’s furious voice never sounded so perfect. “We don’t have much time.” He grumbled something incoherent at the sight of my bloody arm but didn’t say anything else.

Amber whimpered and writhed in pain as Jack lifted her. Most of her pants had been burned away and severe burns coated her legs. I stayed close as I followed him to his truck, turning back only once to see Kole, still surrounded by flames. He’d formed some sort of shield to protect his body from the heat and watched us through the flames as we climbed into the truck.

Amber shivered and moaned next to me, her face twisting with pain. I placed my hand on her leg, and she screamed.

“Don’t touch it, Livy! It hurts! Please, don’t! Just take me into the hospital.” Her cries rang in my ears as Jack tore out of the hospital parking lot. Seconds later, three police cars and a fire truck came wailing around the corner ahead of us.

“I’m sorry, Amber.” Tears flowed down my face. I closed my eyes, trying to block out her shrieking and imagined the tissue repairing itself. It took much longer than any of the other healing I’d done, but when I forced my eyes open, her skin was smooth and unscarred.

Amber panted, watching me with a horrified expression. “What did you just do?”

“I fixed you.” My voice sounded exactly as I felt—drained, like I hadn’t slept in days.

“What do you mean, you fixed me?” She looked so confused.

I’d have to explain everything. She deserved that much after everything that happened, but I couldn’t think of where to begin.

“I’m sorry, Jack.” I leaned against his arm. I just needed to rest for a minute before I did anything else. The need for sleep overwhelmed me, and I quickly slipped into unconsciousness.

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That's it! Thanks for reading. Be sure to check out the rest, linked here.

Tuesday Teaser - The Dreaded Opening

Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. Sheesh! Is she posting about her flippin' opening again!? Sorry, kids. I had another post planned, but I didn't have time to write it, so maybe tomorrow? We'll see.

After my experience with the Secret Agent contest and a few more awesome critiques, I think my opening is a lot better, if not perfect yet. I've beefed it up quite a bit, making it twice as long but, hopefully, less confusing and telling than it was before.

All honest comments are welcome. I always have my seven stages to fall back on. :)

Thanks for reading! Happy Tuesday!

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Tuesday Teaser

Writing a good opening is extremely difficult. Well, it has been for me, anyway. I've been struggling with mine for months now. Up to this point, I don't think my opening's been bad, but it's been lacking that compelling hook. I don't know if I've fixed it, but my experience last week on Beth Revis's blog helped me get to what I think is a better start.

Before, I thought I needed to move to a later point in the story, but I couldn't figure out where to start it without losing something important. Then one comment gave me an idea that required me to move backward in time a little bit--something I'd been resisting. So, I wrote a shiny, new opening that I'm hoping has a better hook. I had to make some changes to my original first scene because of it, but I think that's stronger now too.

So, here are my new first 250ish words of my YA SF novel, Embrol.

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Are you hooked? Either way, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please be brutal. I can take it. :)

Thanks for reading! Have a great Tuesday! :D

Tuesday Teaser - You're Outta this World

I’ve been doing some horrible, horrible things to my characters lately, and it’s kind of bumming me out. So, I went through my finished novel, Embrol, searching for a happy moment to share and came up with the scene below. Now, I know it’s not a happy moment, but it’s one of my favorite scenes, so it makes me happy, and it is all about me, after all. ;)

Just a little setup: Olivia’s mother was killed in a car accident, and she’s dealing with it, but Jack, the boy responsible for the accident, won’t leave her alone. He insists he has something important to tell her, and he’s very persistent, so she finally agrees to hear what he has to say to get him off her back. He’s supposed to meet her after her last class. Oh, and she thinks he’s totally hot, but desperately wants to hate him for his role in her mother’s death. Instead she feels drawn to him, and it’s really starting to annoy her.

And go!

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Tuesday Teaser--I am a Rule Breaker

Okay, I’m not really a rule breaker. Not without seriously considering the consequences and ramifications of breaking the rule, and then it still takes me forever to decide what I want to do. I’m lame, I know. Right now I’m contemplating succumbing to the peer pressure laid on by one of my critters (thank you, Becca), and breaking one of the big rules about how a novel should start. There are plenty of agent sites out there with lists of things that agents don’t like to see for an opening scene. Opening with a dream is a huge no-no, and I’ve been leaning toward doing this for a while to ramp up my first chapter. Problem is, I can’t get past the thought of an agent passing on my ms because of it. Of course, I was breaking the no opening with dialogue rule before, so I don’t know what my problem is.

With that in mind, I rewrote the beginning of my first chapter. Now it opens with a dream and dialogue. I feel so empowered, going up against the man. :) Just wondering if it sucks you in and makes you want to read more, or does it just suck? Maybe there’s a middle ground?

And do you consider yourself a rule breaker or a rule follower? It seems like there are so many “rules” out there. It’s hard to keep track of all of them.

Update: I rewrote it again, so I removed it. Thanks everyone for your thoughts! They were very helpful in getting me where I think I need to be on this.

Tuesday, I mean Friday Teaser

Elana is having a contest over on her blog. Submit 250 words of dialogue and the winner gets a query critique or a first chapter critique. This is my entry. It's from my novel, so I thought I'd post it here as a teaser. I tweaked it a little to fit the maximum word count, but I think all the pertinent info is still there.

For a laugh, check out Becca's entry here. It's hilarious!

Enjoy!

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Tuesday Teaser

I've seen this done on other blogs and thought I would give it a try. I don't know that I'll be able to do this every Tuesday--I don't think I have enough teasers--but here's a snippet for today.

This is from EMBROL, my young adult science fiction novel. Enjoy!

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