NaNo... Out... Mo?

I'm sure all of you are aware that NaNoWriMo starts today. I thought about participating, but I just can't write that fast. I'm too much of a perfectionist. Yes, I realize getting over perfectionism is a really good reason to do NaNoWriMo, but I think it would be counterproductive for me. I tried it once, for a week and a half, and I wrote a lot (around 18,000 words). But I got so burnt out, I couldn't write anything for like a month. So, yeah, not happening.

I'm a pantser through and through, but I think I might be able to outline successfully if I really dedicate myself. So that's what I'm gonna do. I've had a story bouncing around in my head for several months now as I've been wrapping up the last round of rewrites on Embrol. And now that I'm querying Embrol--first query goes out today (yikes!)--Descent can finally have my undivided attention. Poor Descent. So neglected. ;)

Armed with my shiny new copy of Outlining Your Novel: Map Your Way to Success by K. M. Weiland, my goal is to have my whole story completely mapped out by the end of November. And the number one rule is NO WRITING. This will be hard so for me. Every time I try to outline I only make it through three or four chapters before I just want to get going on it already and then it's bye-bye outline and hello 7000 rewrites. :(

So, who's with me? Any pantsers out there who want to join me? Maybe we can form a support group. ;)

Good luck to everyone doing NaNo!

WANTED: Stream of Consciousness Recorder

Recorder should be especially accurate in capturing the perfect phrasing for my query letter that runs through my mind right before I fall asleep. I need it as soon as possible, so if you have a Stream of Consciousness Recorder I can borrow or you know where I can get one, please let me know in the comments. ;)

Writer's Angst

I don't remember who directed me there, but I read this post on Hillary Monahan's blog last week, and I think it's the most accurate description of the "Writer Crazies" I've ever read. ;)

A few gems:

All writers, even the ones that look balanced and happy, are insane.

Writers as a whole are insecure little egomaniacs....

We think we're both small gods and the gum at the bottom of your shoe. Possibly at the same time.

The full post is here. If you haven't seen it yet, it's definitely worth checking out. Just FYI, there is some rougher language, so if you're sensitive to that, you might want to skip it. :) Enjoy!

Making it Up as I Go (MUG) Monday: Letting Go

My first Making it Up as I Go Monday post! Henceforth, to be known as MUG Monday, because I'm lazy.

This post is about writing. Seriously. You’ll see. :)

I recently went to a parent teacher conference for my oldest child. He’s in junior high now, so I got the pleasure of knowing a week ahead of time that I would be meeting with not one, but seven different teachers at the same time. Terrified seems too mild.

Just to give you a little background, my son is a very intelligent boy, but he is a boy in the truest sense of the word and he's much too busy for silly things like studying and homework. Though, I will say (quite proudly) that he’s an avid reader. :)

First day of kindergarten 2003

So, even though I was nervous, I wasn’t really surprised by anything they had to say. I just nodded and explained that I was aware and we were working on it—an ongoing battle since his first day of kindergarten. The teachers were actually all quite genuine and I felt like they really want my son to succeed. Sadly, this hasn’t always been the case in the past.

As we were coming to the end of the meeting, his reading teacher said, “Thank you for understanding your son is human.”

What she meant didn’t sink in at first, but she repeated herself a few more times (I’m assuming this is a teaching technique for us slow folks) and my sleep-deprived brain finally caught her meaning. I wasn’t making excuses for my son and allowing him to continue on the dead-end path he was on. Not without a fight anyway. In other words…. Hey, look! I’m not totally failing as a parent after all. :)

Now for the writerly connection….

If you were lucky enough to be my closest crit partner and writerly friend, you would’ve been bombarded with several angsty emails over the last few weeks about the fate of my current (and only complete) brain child. And after her most recent email, where she told me straight out that I needed a break from said brain child, I had a major duh moment.

I’ve become one of those parents whose child can do no wrong. Not only that, I’m a helicopter parent—always hovering and tweaking, always thinking about what I can do to make my child better. Not always a bad thing, but I let myself get too close. I convinced myself she was perfect and any suggestion that required major changes couldn’t possibly be a good suggestion. Even worse, I haven’t allowed myself to see my brain child’s imperfections and accept them so I can do something about them. Bad book parent.

Of course, my crit buddy knew just how to say it so I would finally get it. I know. She’s awesome. No, you can’t have her. Don’t say you’ll fight me for her. You know I’ll win. ;)

So, though it’s extremely difficult after spending the better part of two+ years carrying my baby with me everywhere I go (if only in my head), I’m sending my brain child to space camp for a month or two. Yes, this makes me very sad, but it will be good for everyone. And if I’m a good book mama, when my first born gets back, she’ll have a new little brother to share my time with. :)

What about all of you? Have you had a project you became too obsessed with? Do you always send your brain children to space camp so you don’t get too attached? Does time apart help?

I’m a Huge Chicken—And Not the Delicious Kind

Though I guess I probably wouldn’t want to be too delicious. ;)

WARNING: This post is served up with a large dose of crazy…

So I was making chicken the other night and thinking about my WIP—always thinking about the WIP—and I started wondering why I can’t finish the dang thing. I’ve been within 5000 words of finishing for over a week (within 10,000 words for close to a month, and more than halfway done for, like, for-ev-er). It’s really pathetic, especially since I know exactly how it’s going to go. None of that pantser business holding me back.

The ending is all mapped out, and I’m excited about it, but every time I sit down to write, I read through the last few paragraphs, raring to go, and then I just sit there, staring. And then my mind wanders and I click over to my email and Facebook and my Google Reader… You can see where this is going, right? So I thought maybe it was just distractions holding me back—that pesky procrastination. But as I thought about it more, I realized it’s just that I’m a big chicken.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this, because it’s so stupid, but the real reason I can’t finish my story is because I’m scared. Scared it won’t be good enough. Scared the ending is going to suck. Scared the last two years—writing it, revising it, scrapping the whole thing, and rewriting it from scratch—have all been a waste of time. Scared I'm just deluding myself that I can write at all.

Yes, I realize this is just my neurotic writer self shining through and I’m over-thinking the whole situation, but that doesn’t change anything. I’m still a huge chicken.

What is wrong with me!? Wait. Don’t answer that. ;)

Seriously though, I’m hoping that by getting it out of my head and sending it out into the ether, I’ll be able to let the stupid-ness go and just finish the dumb thing.

That was all. Thanks for listening to me whine.

So, what about all of you? Do you find that fear holds you back sometimes?