Update: I made it into the agent round!!! Yay!
A little info to
get you started: Seventeen-year-old Olivia has been dreaming of the boy she
calls her angel since her fifteenth
birthday, but she’s never met him in the real world. In fact, she believes he’s
a figment of her imagination. This is the end of their dream—it’s always the
same—the last time she has it before she wakes up and finds out he’s not only
real, but he’s responsible for her mom’s death.
Here we go… :)
*****
“Okay, Olivia.”
He kissed each of my eyelids. “Open them.”
At first, all I
could see was his face, beaming down at me. I had to tear my gaze from his to
look around.
A seemingly
endless field of glowing flowers stretched in every direction. The large,
seven-petal blossoms shifted in the breeze. Their luminosity changed depending
on the angle, making it clear they weren’t actually glowing, but reflecting the
moonlight. It gave the illusion we stood, waist deep, in the middle of a
glistening sea.
“Well?” A nervous
smile played at his lips. “Disappointed?”
“Are you
kidding?” I laughed and turned to stare at the breathtaking scene. “This might
be the most beautiful place in the universe.”
He rested a hand
on my hip, his breath a warm caress on my neck. “You would know better than anyone.”
I’d yet to figure
out what he meant by that, but I couldn’t make myself care. Not with him so
close. I twisted around to face him, and his hand slid from my hip to my back, his
fingers slipping under the hem of my shirt and brushing my skin. He pulled me tight
against him, closer than I’d ever been to any boy. Coherent thought became
impossible, and I said the first thing that popped into my head.
“Is this Heaven?”
He laughed, his
eyes shining in the light from the two moons overhead. “You’re messing with me,
right…? Okay. I’ll play. No, it’s not Heaven, but sometimes, it feels that way,
especially with you here.”
My hands tangled
in his hair, drawing his face closer.
“I wish you could
stay,” he said and pressed his lips to mine in a soft but lingering kiss. Heat
poured into me wherever our skin touched.
I wanted to stay,
more than anything, but I knew I couldn’t. The feeling of being watched sprang
up behind me and I knew it was time. I pressed closer, trying to feel all of
him before it ended. He moved his mouth to my ear.
“See you soon,” he whispered, and the world faded away.
Oh wow, definitely one of my favorites so far! I particularly adore the nervousness of his smile - he's so eager to please her. Love!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carissa! :)
DeleteI really liked your pitch so it's no surpise I like your kissing scene too.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line is when he says "okay, I'll play". It made me laugh.
I'm assuming they are meeting in a dream world? Also, I was wondering if this is before or after she finds out that he killed her mother in an auto accident?
Those aren't really relevant questions to the scene but I'm just curious.
Anyway, I loved this and I'd totally keep reading!
Good luck in Round 4!
-Amber (41)
My Kissing Scene
Thanks, Amber! Yes, this is a dream world. This is the last time she has the dream before she wakes up and finds out he's responsible for the accident that killed her mother. Glad you liked it. :)
DeleteAw! This is a sweet one. Nice!
ReplyDeleteLarissa (#47)
Thanks, Larissa! :)
DeleteThis whole scene is great, but I especially like how you begin and end it. He kisses her eyelids to make her see and then fades away at the end. Great writing!
ReplyDeleteRebecca #21
Thanks, Rebecca! :)
DeleteSo sweet and romantic, love your premise! Great visuals ;)
ReplyDeleteJessica #42
Thanks, Jessica! :)
DeleteThis is so swoony and heartfelt, I love it! I would love to read this book. Good luck and this is beautiful! I love your query and 250 too.
ReplyDeleteOh I forgot to add *blushes* that I'm #7. I'd be thrilled if you would take a peek on over :)
DeleteThanks, Virginia! :)
DeleteI really like the concept of your story, and found this scene wonderful. I'd love to read more. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteLaura, Kiss #33, BSD #112
Thanks, Laura! :)
DeleteSo cute and sweet! SO sweet, in fact, that you win this kissing expert's Sugar Lips Award <3
ReplyDeletexo,
Dahlia
Yay! So awesome! Thank you! :)
DeleteGreat scene; I especially love that it's just a dream that she knows she has to wake up from. Sigh. My favorite words: ...his breath a warm caress on my neck. Yum!
ReplyDelete-Entry #12, http://www.shannonwixom.com/blog.html
Thanks, Shannon! :)
DeleteI loved this scene! Beautiful use of imagery--love the bit about the flowers reflecting moonlight (2 moons--very cool way to show reader we're someplace special) This line so eloquent and drew me right in: "It gave the illusion we stood, waist deep, in the middle of a glistening sea." Dialogue flowed nicely--I also like the "Okay. I’ll play" line! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued by your premise and I would TOTALLY read this!! Good luck to you in the agent round (I'll see you there ; ) #48
Thanks, Jenny! Good luck to you too! :)
DeleteOh wow. This is just magical. And I love your premise in your pitch and first 250 as well. Best of luck in the agent round! --Amy (Kiss #5)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy! :)
DeleteAbby Annis. you wrote a blog post. :) glad to see you. i remember this story. did you ever finish or get it published? i'm so out of it lately. i'd love to read it all or read it again or whatever.
ReplyDelete