Originally posted November 12, 2009.
Okay, so no one would ever really say that. Would they?
This post isn’t really about babies. Not the real kind, anyway. On Tuesday, I expressed my love for critiques. But where there is the receiving of critiques, there must also be the giving, right?
Don’t get me wrong. I love giving a critique almost as much as I love getting one. Critiquing the writing of others is awesome for recognizing things you do wrong in your own writing, because a lot of us make the same mistakes. It also helps us look at our own work with a more critical eye. BUT… when it comes to hitting the send button on the email, I always think, “Oh no. What if this makes her hate me?” Especially if it’s a particularly thorough critique, where there’s lots of red on the screen. It kind of feels like I’m sending them an email saying:
“Dude, your baby is UG-LY! But here’s how I (self-proclaimed baby beauty expert) think you can make her prettier.”
How do you feel about critiquing others’ work? Do you worry they’ll take offense? Or do you just figure one good shredding deserves another, and they should just suck it up?
-----------------
And don't forget about Beta Club today. :)
Great post! I'm always hesitant to hit the send button too because I don't feel qualified to give a critique- I'm more afraid that I'm not helping them out at all and that I"m the only one getting something out of the deal.
ReplyDeleteThere is always that worry... critiquing is so hard, isn't it! I'm with Kelly, I always worry I'm not helping them enough.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I didn't find enough good stuff to say only because overall I think the piece is very strong. When you're nitpicking, it's hard to throw in good comments that you haven't already said before.
ReplyDeleteBut, I do always try to sugar-coat my critiques, so even when I'm lacking the pats-on-the-back, the critiques themselves are still fairly nice. At least, I hope so...
I am a complete coward, worse than useless at this. I grudingly admit critiques can be an invaluable aid to improvement, having received a few myself, I know the worth of viewing my work through a fresh pair of eyes - BUT, I don't have it in me to be as brutally honest with anyone else's baby.
ReplyDeleteIf I have a lot of constructive comments, then I'll match it with positive ones to balance it out. That seems to work, but it is hard, especially if you haven't known the person long.
ReplyDeleteI'm always convinced that any critique I offer will be derided and cast aside. (As most often happened in my poetry workshops.) I fear critiquing others' work almost more than I do receiving critiques on my own stuff.
ReplyDeleteIf I've been INVITED to give a critique, I know the writer is expecting my honesty, which I deliver as sincerely and graciously as I can. I would feel like an "ugly" person if I delivered the blows uninvited. :-)
ReplyDeletei like line edits critiquing, because i feel that's where i excel.
ReplyDeleteI do worry about how people will react to my critiques, because I tend to look at big picture as well as detail, so I give a lot of feedback. But I also try to point out stuff I really like, too. I don't know how else to do it. I try to be honest, never mean, and if I'm going to take on a big issue, I say I'm sorry to have to point out something that may be a lot of work. I also say it's just my opinion, so if they question it, they should get other people to weigh in, as well. Most people have reacted well anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm always a little hesitant to give my thorough thoughts because I know what it's like to feel like you're being attacked. But I always try to give at least one positive for every negative and I hope that the reason the person came to me in the first place is to better their writing. I may not have all the answers but I would hope they know I'm not trying to break them down - I'm really trying to build them up. Critiquing can be pretty touchy at times.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE a good shredding--both on the giving and receiving end.
ReplyDeletesf
I'm pretty brutal when I critique, but I warn people. I don't want a beta to sugarcoat their comments or ignore errors in my MS so I don't do it on others.
ReplyDeleteSo far no one has bitten my head off. Yet.
LMAO! I love your title. And yeah, I do worry about being too harsh or brutal or non-helpful. I have issues with my ability and skill set to critique, and if I don't feel I have the tools, I tend to be kinda quiet.
ReplyDeleteYes, I definitely think of this when I send out a critique. Mostly because I'm overly opinionated. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm a ditto to Stephanie.
ReplyDeleteI want complete honesty when being critiqued - otherwise I won't learn, and also, what would be the point of having a critique if it's sugarcoated? I try very hard to point out the good along with the bad in my critiques, however. Because I like to hear the same :)
Don't you believe it! People can and do say such hurtful things - my friend Connie's baby had an unusual shaped head (fluid etc) her favourite comment out and about with Caitlin was - "Is IT a boy?" When she repied no the woman continued, "Well, never mind."
ReplyDeleteAs to critiquing I try to offer three stars and a wish: find three things I like and add one area for development
I worry but I just do the best I can and hope that the person recieving the critique will understand that too.
ReplyDeleteI don't worry about people getting mad, because I know I don't get mad when people critique my work, even if I don't agree with everything they say. Maybe I should be worried - maybe everyone else doesn't feel that way - but I'm so grateful when someone takes the time to review my work I can't imagine getting mad about it. And of course I always make sure to point out the positives as well.
ReplyDeleteI am usually a gentle critiquer (sp?) unless the writer tells me it's OK to dig in.
ReplyDeleteLearning to give & take feedback, in any form (as a mom, wife, writer, etc) takes time. And experience. Stuff I'm still learning.
LOL I'm always afraid I'll upset someone, but I do try to phrase my comments in a nice way. I mean, if something needs work, you can be honest without being cruel. "This needs a little work" sounds much better than "Dude, this sucks!"
ReplyDeleteI'm more afraid AFTER I've hit send when some time has gone by and I haven't heard back from them. That is when I start worrying that I may have upset someone :)