There's a post over on The Literary Lab today about having friends critique your work. The gist of it is that you shouldn't have friends (writer or otherwise) critique your work, because the feedback you get is not going to be as honest as what you need to make your writing the best it can be. I agree with this to a point.
Obviously, close friends and family who are not writers, or maybe they are writers but you were friends before your writing came into the relationship—either way, those people, as a general rule, are not going to tell you what's wrong with your writing. In those cases, the personal relationship would be too important to alienate you, the writer, by truly being critical of your work. I think this holds true for most relationship in the blogosphere as well. You just don't know if saying something critical is going to hurt someone's feelings, or if they're going to take it the wrong way.
However, I think it's possible to have a close, friendly relationship with other writers and still get solid, honest feedback on your work. I have a couple of writer friends that I met online and we swapped manuscripts and did critiques for eachother. In the process, they've actually become what I consider my good friends, but that doesn't have a negative affect on our critiquing relationship. If anything, I think it makes it more honest, because I know what they want out of the crit, and if there's something HUGE in their manuscripts that needs fixed, I tell them. Granted, I will most likely preface it with a "Please don't hate, but...", but I always try to be as honest as possible. Even if I think it might initially be painful to hear, because I want them to succeed as much as I want to succeed.
So what do you all think? Is it possible to be friends with the writers you go to for critiques? Or do you think keeping it strictly professional is essential?
I think there is a difference between letting your writer friends crit and just "regular" friends crit. Writers are by nature going to (hopefully) be more honest because they realize what's at stake.
ReplyDeleteMy crit partners have become my friends as well, but like yours, they still know how to give it to me straight.
By the way, my post today is offering a writer an unbiased critique, come stop by if you can:The Beta Club
I'm of a totally different opinion (and I haven't been to the lit lab yet). I think the only people you should let read your stuff are the writers you KNOW, TRUST and ADMIRE. And who are those people? Your writer friends -- online or in person.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, it's just a stranger. And how do you know if it's their personal opinion or they're trying to be mean? Or if they're just trying to race through your work just to be done? Or...or...or...?
Yeah, I work hard to find friends and then maintain those friendships with writerly people online. I think the FRIEND comes first and the BETA READER comes second.
Because really, who's better equipped to tell you your fly is undone or you have spinach in your teeth but your FRIENDS?
Who better to tell you, "This isn't quite good enough, my friend."?
Only your friends.
Okay, soapbox out. I swear I'm not yelling, just trying to emphasize. Sorry!
Some of my first readers were friends and it was nice to get smiles and "this is great!" But even back then, I knew I couldn't count on them for true feedback. I love the feedback I get from friends, but I look at it differently than the feedback I get from my writers group. And all though my writers group has come to be some of my closest friends as well, they didn't start as friends. We know what it means to need true honest feedback and we don't hold back.
ReplyDeleteWow, Abby, my opinions on this are like, eerily similar to yours. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think as long as your writer friends know how to give it to you straight, their opinions are very helpful.
That said, there's only so much help any reader can give you on your revisions, so I like to get a fresh eye after revising, which usually winds up being someone I barely know.
I've gotten great feedback both ways. It's all about knowing enough about the critter to trust them to give you an unbiased critique.
Frankly, I couldn't think of anyone better suited to beta-ing my novels than some of my blogger friends. Y'all are the ones who read the genre, and write in it, so you're doubly qualified!
I think we can have readers for different reasons. I have one writing friend, who is so senstive, she only wants to hear the good comments during the first draft. Otherwise, she gets derailed. I'm not that sensitive, and I'd rather hear that I've got a major problem than wonder why it's not working. As long as people are honest, not cruel, I want to hear it. I'm in two crit groups and we are quite friendly with each other.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I disagree. Being a friend does not mean less honesty, rather the opposite if one is being a true friend. A healthy relationship needs to have honesty at its foundation. The only people I let crit my things are people I know well, good friends, most of them writers themselves. And not one of those has been sugar coated.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it depends on the degree of friendship. The closer the friend, the more honesty there is because you don't have to worry about losing the friend for pointing something out.
I need my critique partners to be my friends or else it's just too mean for me. They are nice, but still give me feedback. It depends on the person, but for me, they have to be friends first.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Elana on this one! :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with everthing you said! And I love that I've become friends with my crit partners (who were perfect strangers before)--we've come to share a special bond unlike all other friendships.
ReplyDeleteI agree. One of my crit partners was just a writing acquaintance at first. We would talk about writing, and we ended up asking so many questions and swapping stuff (and getting great critiques on both sides) that we decided to move to a crit relationship. I definitely consider her a friend now, but I trust her to tell me the truth if something isn't working.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Elana. My best friend is a writer and I trust her completely with my work. She can rip the thing to shreds and send it back bleeding red ink, but because I know she's a great writer and I know she's just not doing it to make herself look smart or superior, I know I get good honest critiques. On the other hand, I wouldn't trust a NON writing friend to give great advice or writing friends who really have no clue what I'm about or try to change my voice. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI think that writer friends can give honest feedback. However, I doubt friends you know outside of the writing world would give an honest critique.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting discussion. I think i ma harsher on my "friends" than I am on strangers. Because my real friends have talent and they know I know they have talent. And I know they know that i know :) Ha! But, in all seriousness, I feel comfortable being honest BECAUSE of the relationship we have.
ReplyDeleteMy mother, who's not a writer but has read more books than I could ever hope to read, is my best critiquer. She's brutally honest, and she knows I'd never hold it against her. Even though she doesn't write, she's read enough to know what makes a book good. So while I agree in general, I also think you can find the rare friend or family member who can also give an honest critique. I was once lucky enough to hear a talk by Linda Sue Park in which she said critiquers have to be readers, but not necessarily writers, and I also think that's true.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting discussion! I met the ladies in my crit group through blogging. I was really nervous letting them crit my work at first, but they were really honest and gave me great feedback. Now I consider them some of my best writer friends.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, I had a crit partner that I met online. Our relationship started as just business and then we soon became friends. Now, while I can get her opinion on some things about my ms, I don't ask her to read for me anymore. I hate to say it like I don't trust that she'll give her honest opinion, but I don't trust her to be brutially honest with me anymore because the friendship has gone away from writting. So now, while I really like and respect my crit partners, I seek out people who are not friends to crit for me.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Ooh, this is an interesting debate. Our best beta reader happens to be one of our closest writing buds but she is tough on us. So tough that almost all of her critiques end with "please don't hate me!" I think you have to have an understanding with writer friends. No one is doing you any favors by telling you your writing is awesome when it actually needs work!
ReplyDeleteI think Elana put it pretty well and I agree that there's a big difference with a "trusted" friend versus just some professional.
ReplyDeleteGreat discussion! I guess what it ultimately comes down to is personal preference, though many of you seem to lean towards being friends with your critters. Thanks for all your thoughts! :)
ReplyDeleteI am so with Elana. I agree with her all the way!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say it's necessarily better to not be friends with the writers you crit with. My partners and I had to click both personally and professionally. We are all skilled writers in different stages of pubbing and, through critiquing, we've actually gotten to be tight-knit friends, too. We know how to be honest without crushing each other's creativity. I wouldn't change the relationships I have with my partners for the world.
ReplyDeleteElana said it perfectly :D. If I am about to go to the biggest job interview of my life, and I have an entire head of broccoli sticking out of my teeth, you bet your ass I want my friends to tell me!
ReplyDeleteI think when you're writing buddies with someone, you want them to succeed even more, and that drives you to be more honest and helpful than ever :). Just my .02 cents!