Monday, March 7, 2011

MUG Monday: Descent Snippet

It's been a while since I've posted a snippet of my writing, so I thought I'd share the opening of my YA SciFi WIP, Descent. This is just the first draft, so the opening will most likely change at some point, but for now, this is where it begins. :)

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“Luke.” The name popped out of my mouth as I was about to shove in a forkful of eggs. I couldn’t stop a grin. “My name is Luke.”
Mrs. Bingham jumped out of her seat with a squeal. The tight, black curls covering her head remained oddly still, especially in contrast to the rest of her, which did a fair amount of shaking as she bounced up and down, clapping her hands. “Luke. Oh, I knew your name would fit you perfectly.” She yanked me out of my chair and into a tight hug. “I was just thinking you might be ready to start school. But now I’m sure of it.”
Of course. Now I was psychologically ready to reenter the world. Because that was my biggest problem—remembering my name. Never mind that everything else about me had been sucked into a mental black hole. Well, except for the flying, but I stopped bringing that up after the social worker decided I needed to spend more time with the counselor.
Ethan flounced into the kitchen and dropped into a chair. “What’s with all the noise? You finally win the lottery, Mrs. B?”
Mom,” she said and gave him a fake scolding look. Ethan had been adopted by the Binghams over a year ago, but he still refused to call her Mom. Mrs. B nodded toward me with a smile. “Congratulate your brother, Ethan. He remembered his name.”
Ethan wasn’t my brother any more than Mrs. B was my mother, but anyone could tell that. Where Ethan was light, I was dark. And though we were both on the shorter side of tall, Ethan looked like a body builder—without spending any time in the gym—and I could hide behind a light pole. Or as Mrs. B put it, Ethan was football, and I was basketball. Even though neither of us played sports. Not that I remembered, anyway.
“Really? So you’re not John Doe? You think you know a person.” Ethan shook his head, but a smile crept onto his face. “Seriously, man. That’s awesome. So…” He stared at me. “Do I get to know your real name, or is that top secret too, like… that other thing?”
“Dude. Shut. Up,” I said and kicked him under the table.
“You still on that flying thing?” Mrs. B put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows. “Maybe school’s not the best thing for you yet.”
“No.” I shot Ethan a glare. “I know I can’t fly.” With Mrs. B, sometimes it was easier to just tell her what she wanted to hear.
«««««
Thanks for reading!
And don't forget about my contest. It ends Saturday, so you still have a few days left to enter. :)

10 comments:

  1. Cool snippet.
    I like the snappy writing and the introduction to the characters. But it's only the first draft, so I guess you can improve it still.
    Nahno ∗ McLein

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  2. I loved the snippet :) I'm not normally a big fan of dialogue openings but
    “Luke.” The name popped out of my mouth as I was about to shove in a forkful of eggs. I couldn’t stop a grin. “My name is Luke.”

    is a great opening.

    Good luck with your writing :)

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  3. Wow, neat! Thanks for sharing!

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  4. Your drafts are more coherent than mine :)

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  5. Ha! Abby, that was awesome! It'll be fun to see where this goes!

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  6. That was an intriguing snippet! Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Wow, this is so intriguing! I love the mystery, and you've obviously picked the right place to begin the story, so I'm super jealous, of course. ;)

    I can't believe you're not working on this all the time!

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  8. Cool. I like it! This cracked me up: “I know I can’t fly.”

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  9. This is wonderful stuff, Abby. Now I'm really interested in the rest of the story. If you ever need a beta reader... ;)

    Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  10. Thanks, Eric! Now I just have to finish it. ;)

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