Writing a good opening is extremely difficult. Well, it has been for me, anyway. I've been struggling with mine for months now. Up to this point, I don't think my opening's been bad, but it's been lacking that compelling hook. I don't know if I've fixed it, but my experience last week on Beth Revis's blog helped me get to what I think is a better start.
Before, I thought I needed to move to a later point in the story, but I couldn't figure out where to start it without losing something important. Then one comment gave me an idea that required me to move backward in time a little bit--something I'd been resisting. So, I wrote a shiny, new opening that I'm hoping has a better hook. I had to make some changes to my original first scene because of it, but I think that's stronger now too.
So, here are my new first 250ish words of my YA SF novel, Embrol.
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Removed. Check back for other Tuesday Teasers. :)
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Are you hooked? Either way, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please be brutal. I can take it. :)
Thanks for reading! Have a great Tuesday! :D
Who could be brutal? This is WONDERFUL!
ReplyDeleteYou're too hard on yourself. Now STOOOOOOOP IT!
I told you I'm your umero uno fan.
heh heh NO STOCKER STUFF EITHER.
*laughs.
Being an X hairstylist, looking at your own work is always hard, you feel you can always do better, yet when people say.. DAMN that's awesome hair, you think.. really?..REALLY?
YOU LIKE IT. I was my worst critic!
and yes, finally I can say I USED TO DO AWESOME HAIR!
Continue on Abby, your doing a GREAT JOB!
Yeah, I'm hooked. I'd read on. And on. And on. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff Abby! I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteHaving been a lucky beta reader (yay!), I have to say I LOVE THIS! The action is so much snappier, and the new hook is awesome!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the first draft, but in this one I feel like I'm plunged into her life right away, and I'm loving it.
GO, ABBY!
I agree with Tami! You are too hard on yourself. But I understand. I'm a writer too and it's very subjective. Getting things back that have been edited and you feel like the worst person ever. You're doing great hon. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteAbby, how many times are you gonna have to send me an updated version of this, lol?
ReplyDeleteReally liking the new beginning for 2 reasons: immediacy, and more emphasis on the sci-fi aspect. Don't have time for a long post since I'm trying to pack a week's worth of social networking into fifteen minutes, but your new stuff sounds great!!
You are way too hard on yourself. I agree with Tami, that is good stuff you have there.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read more.
Lori
I like this. You had me hooked at the first sentence. I wanted to know whether she meant this literally or figuratively.
ReplyDeleteTami: Thanks for the love. This might be hard to believe after all my whining lately, but most of the time, I really like what I write. For a little while, at least. :) But I'm always grateful for feedback that helps me improve. And there's always room for improvement. Always.
ReplyDeleteElana: Thanks!
Mandy: Thanks!
Becca: Thanks! I love my new hook, too. :D I just hope it's what I need to get this thing out the door.
JosiahsMommy: Thanks! I probably am too hard on myself, but it's all in hopes of reaching that elusive goal of publication. :)
Tere: Geez. You leave for a week and then come back and yell at me first thing? Heehee. Just kidding. Glad you're back. :) Did you have fun? And don't worry, I'm not sending you any revisions. There will be a few more changes from it but nothing major. And thanks! Glad you liked it! :D
Lori: Thanks for the love! I'll try to be more positive. :)
Danyelle: Thanks! I'm kind of loving my first sentence too. Finally! ;D
yep, hooked! I want to know what that mass is. I want to know about her dad. I want to know what's going to happen to her next. I like the opening line. the no soul part had me intrigued. Are you going to link back to the 'no soul' thing? Sorry, I don't know much about you book. But I really liked this opening.
ReplyDeleteNice work, Abby. You've written a very powerful scene, and I'd definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little bit confused as to what's going on at the end of the 250'ish words--she seems confused and scared, like she can't breathe, and then she slows down to think about her father, and ... starts crying before she passes out? I'm sure I'm missing something, but I'm having a hard time visualizing what's happening here.
But again, powerful imagery and language. WTG!
p.s. Just read your previous beginning, and I very much prefer this one. Great improvement!
ReplyDeleteTabitha: Thank you! Actually the line about her soul is just her being sarcastic and annoyed, which she is a lot. But now I'm thinking... no, no, I can't change anything else. :)
ReplyDeletejj: Very nice! I've been kind of waffling over whether I like the last paragraph and I think you've hit on why. So, thanks! Really appreciate your thoughts! Yea! :D