Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. Sheesh! Is she posting about her flippin' opening again!? Sorry, kids. I had another post planned, but I didn't have time to write it, so maybe tomorrow? We'll see.
After my experience with the Secret Agent contest and a few more awesome critiques, I think my opening is a lot better, if not perfect yet. I've beefed it up quite a bit, making it twice as long but, hopefully, less confusing and telling than it was before.
All honest comments are welcome. I always have my seven stages to fall back on. :)
Thanks for reading! Happy Tuesday!
*****
Removed.
I really like this. Right away, I like her and am concerned for her and intrigued by her. Good work.
ReplyDeleteThis is much improved! :D So glad to have you back, Abby, and congrats on your edits going well! Woot!
ReplyDeleteWow! What happened? I'm so intrigued. I think you're off to a great start here Abby. :)
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great beginning. I agree with Tricia, I care for her right away.
ReplyDeleteThis flows much better from the initial opening to the strange things happening to her. Great voice and quickly draws the reader in.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!
Tricia: Thank you! That was something one of my critters noted--that there was no reason to like her in the beginning or even care what was happening to her, so yea!
ReplyDeleteBecca: Thanks! I'm glad to be back. It's taking me a while to get back into the swing of things, and the editing is going much slower than I would like, but it's coming along. :) Life keeps getting in the way, as usual.
Ali: Thank you! I'm so excited for you!
LW: Thanks! Like I told Tricia, that was something one of my critters noted--that there was no reason to like her in the beginning or even care what was happening to her, so yea! I'm glad you both feel that way. :)
Tere: Thanks! I'm hoping this one sticks. :)
I haven't read any of your other openings, but would like to say that I quite like this one, particularly the detail about the glass marble.
ReplyDelete