It's blogfest time! This is the first page of my novel, Embrol. Be sure to follow the link below to Kelly Lyman's blog and check out the other posts. :)
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1 The End
Three seconds. That’s how long it took for my life to end.
Well, it was an end of sorts. And it might’ve taken longer. I suppose it depends on which point was the actual end. Some might say it was the first or second or third time I died. For me, it was the moment I saw that truck barreling toward us. A girl really should have better memories of her eighteenth birthday.
The day started gray—beautiful and dark. A rare occurrence in Mesa, Arizona, and my absolute favorite kind of day. Okay, so it actually started with a stomach ache, but I did my best to ignore the lump in my gut as I walked to my locker after second period. I always had that something-isn’t-right feeling on the days I officially became a year older, but something about this year was different, though I couldn’t figure out what.
“How’s my favorite redhead on this lovely December morning?” Trevor hooked his arm around my neck and gave me his cheesiest grin. Fat drops began to fall from the sky, drumming the metal roof and muffling the chatter of the students filling the outdoor locker area.
I popped two more antacids in my mouth and slammed my locker shut, catching the tip of my finger. “Dang it! Lovely December morning?” I said, sucking on my finger. “What are you? Forty?”
“Not cool, Livy. You make me promise to be nice and when I do, all I get is crap from you?”
“Yeah. Nice for one day. That’s it. Not a complete personality change. I love you just the way you are.” Those words came out more from habit than anything else, but I regretted them as soon as they left my lips.
“Heh. That was way easier than I thought it would be.” His hand curled around my upper arm, and he let out a high-pitched whistle that made me wish I didn’t have ears. About a million heads swung toward us.
If only I could melt into the concrete on demand.
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That's it! :) Check out the others here.
Your opening is great and the rest sounds extremely authentic to a teenager and her voice. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI love this! I especially love that first line. Nice job...now where is the rest of it. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat voice and great hook!
ReplyDeleteI like the voice - she's full of personality. I'm interested in the scene, but I'm a little confused in spots. Great job though.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff! I like the voice.
ReplyDeleteI'll support the common consensus. You have an awesome voice here. This wry, likable teenager is great! The part where she talks about dying is really well done. Excellent first page, Abby!
ReplyDeleteI love your mc's sense of humor even though death is a serious topic. And I really enjoye the dialogue!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this a lot. I love the voice and the dialogue. :)
ReplyDeleteI think the theme for the day is going to be "No! Don't stop there!" I was completely sucked into the conversation and I wanted to overhear more!
ReplyDeleteokay..I am definitely intrigued as to her mood & her reaction...need more... ;o)
ReplyDeleteVisit My Kingdom Anytime
Love your opening. I'm very much hooked and want to find out more!
ReplyDeleteThat's some great stuff there! I liked it a lot. Very fluid. I would easily turn the page.
ReplyDeleteThat's great! Thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteThat is so great! Talk about a first line hook- you've got a doozy there!
ReplyDeleteGood job! I loved it! I was sucked in right away =)
ReplyDeleteI like the voice, too. She really establishes herself well.
ReplyDeleteThis is shaping up awesome, as if I had any doubts. I'm just glad I know what happens next! ;)
ReplyDeleteI love the voice and her humor- I feel like she is going to be a lively one which makes me like her already. The opening drew me in from the start to. Great job! Thanks for participating.
ReplyDeletei always love reading your work. there's something for you at my blog under blogging buddies.
ReplyDeleteOo, nice! I'm curious and would keep reading on. I was a little confused in the beginning too with the switch from talking about her death and then skipping back to school, but I got it too. Make sense? Just made me pause, but then it drew me in with the easy flow.
ReplyDeleteWell written. I loved the setting and the voice.
ReplyDeletegreat voice - very strong. I love it!
ReplyDeleteSuper! You're on a roll, for sure. I love the voice and mystery.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah; a very good first page. Good character development.
ReplyDelete......dhole
This is great. The interaction between the two is so real. I like it!
ReplyDeleteGreat voice. I'm intrigued. :)
ReplyDeleteGREAT beginning! I'm hooked! Can't wait to read more. Great voice, btw.
ReplyDeleteBravo! It starts with a great hook, and I love your mc already.
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing beginning--love the bit about the first, second and third time she dies!! I agree with everyone else as well...great voice! Nice job on this. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I'm going to be a broken record here, but GREAT VOICE! It was excellent!
ReplyDeleteHosting Last Line Blogfest, details on my site.
Hey! I came here through the link Friday morning looking for this, but didn't see it?
ReplyDeleteI love what you've done with it. Such a great voice. And the hook rocks!
I'm looking forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteYAY! Love the changes :D. I hope revisions are going well!
ReplyDeleteGreat! I read this first on the Beta Club. Your humor is really good, as is your voice.
ReplyDeleteLove this. I remember this from Roni's blog, no? You sucked me in with her death for sure. And love Trevor...is he single?
ReplyDeleteNice start! I enjoyed the conflict and the intrigue about her relationship. She sounds like a compelling mc!
ReplyDelete